Viv cleansed my house by burning sage the day before it was open for inspection to potential buyers, turns out the house sold pretty much the next day!
She’s back in town and we’re catching up today to plan an overseas trip to Peru or Costa Rica in the new year to try ayahuasca.
What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas… but fuck it. Ima share my Vegas story anyways as it’s something I’ll never forget and also a story that could act as a cautionary tale for those visiting Vegas in future.
A few years back I was in Vegas to cover the SEMA auto show for Toyo Tyres. On the night we landed we decided to go to a strip club. We were in a big enough group to get a private room (which seemed pretty cool but in retrospect was probably a trap!). At some stage I let one of the girls know that I was a photographer and that I’d shot with Miss CJ Miles when she visited Australia, turns out CJ was in the house that night and nek minnit CJ was on my lap.
Everything was a haze from then onwards. I vaguely remember walking around the club on my own like a zombie and I vaguely remember being on a couch with 2 girls who were taking $50 notes out of my pockets whilst I was trying to explain that heeeey, this is what Aussie money looks like!
I woke up the next morning on the floor just inside the door in my hotel room, naked, with the neck of my T-Shirt stretched around my waist, leaving the rest of my T-Shirt looking like a skirt. My passport was sitting on the bedside table next to the bed and I had lost my phone and ALL of my travel money (I didn’t have time to figure out how to use the hotel safe as we’d quite literally just landed and headed out!).
I had no idea how I got back to the hotel. I had no memory of the night before. I didn’t have a hangover, but felt fuzzy AF. It didn’t take me too long to realise that I’d been drugged.
I was pissed about losing all my cash, but I was super upset about losing my phone as I didn’t synch it with the cloud and that meant that I’d lost all of my cheeky private phone pics I’d snapped over the years. Fuck. To be honest I’m still really gutted about this today. I spent the entire day trying so hard to remember the night before but no matter how hard I tried to remember shit nothing came back. The boys let me know that the last time they saw me I was having a good time. I was with CJ and a couple of girls, my hands on ass, boobs, hands everywhere… but fuck it I couldn’t remember a fucking thing!
I spent that afternoon filing a report at a local cop shop. The lady at the station laughed out loud when I told her what had happened. “Happens all the time!” she said, “Every night!”.
The guys did mention that we were split up at some point and I’m pretty sure that’s by design so if you’re reading this, and planning to visit Vegas strip clubs at some point in your life, take heed. Make sure all your cash is in the hotel safe, leave your phone in the safe too. Stick together as a group and in case you do get roofied, bring a hotel card so they know where to dump your body.
Rad abbreviation for Singapore Airlines.
Jewel Changi Airport.
Couldn’t resist.
Look better than they taste for sure!
So close to home!
My 3 week Africa trip comes to a close. I’m at Jewel Changi Airport in Singapore which features the world’s tallest indoor waterfall and a rainforest theme, but no fucks given right now. I’d much rather be at the Daintree Rainforest in Queensland than at an airport ANY DAY.
Couldn’t resist Shake Shake tho!!! I feel somewhat human now that I’ve had some burgers.
On the topic of Burgers. When I land in Sydney tomorrow morning I’ll be getting right into work for Burger Me Up (who took over Chur Burger in Surry Hills).
I’ve had the Burger Me Up Classic burger twice now, and loved it twice and I legitimately rate it over the classic I just had at Shake Shack (more flavour, better bread, better meat too!).
I’ve also had a few of you tell me in person that you’ve dropped in there after reading my positive review of the burgers there (and the bit about the shop having financial issues), and you’ve all rated it as well.
Chur Burger did awesome when it was around. Burger Me Up has kept the same location, interior design, food suppliers, vibes, awesome burgers, everything but the name, and he’s lost a LOT of business because he’s lost the Chur Burger name. My job will be to try and help Jo (the shop owner) keep the business alive and get more bums on seats over this month!
You’ll see my work over Jo’s socials as I take over his Instagram and Facebook accounts. Please follow:
Burger me up on Instagram: @burgermeup
Burger Me Up on Facebook.
Really noisy in my head right now. I’ve been in Singapore for the past 3 nights and I’ve gotten more in my head each day.
It’s just so fucking safe and boring here. Catching up with relatives of relatives and people who last saw me when I was a little boy is killing me. The small talk is driving me nuts.
I’ve been overseas for 3 weeks and it’s really taken a toll. In retrospect I don’t think I was ready for this trip. I’ve not smoked nicotine in 3 weeks and I doubt I can keep it up when I return, if anything I’ve been thinking about smoking weed again. I miss it.
Maybe I just need to up my dose of medication. Maybe I’m just really homesick. Maybe I just need my cat.
Another day of transit. 4am start then a quick drive to Kilimanjaro airport, then a quick plane ride to Zanzibar then on to Dar-es-salaam, then finally a longer flight back to Johannesburg.
A test, for sure.
Right now there’s no way I can sit in a seat without my ass hurting within a few minutes. My lower back is so sore from all the transit. I’ve felt like tapping out so many times. I’ve felt like complaining out loud to people on the tour but I’ve mostly kept silent. I’ve not smoked nicotine in weeks and my mind has gone to all sorts of dark places during long transits.
I’m homesick, for sure, but I also worry about what’s going to happen when I get home. How is Africa, and seeing how simply some people live here going to change me? Am I going to still value all the extra noise I’ve created in my Sydney city life? Does everything I do in Sydney exist just to make myself feel more important? To keep myself busy? Did I pass the test?
One more night in transit tonight, then we land in Singapore tomorrow and spend 3 more nights there before returning home.
Plastic chair at lunch, it’s been a holy trip!
Most of the bikes here are these Toyo bikes.
Maasai Camp bathroom.
Our Maasai Chief.
Maasai chief leading us to water (to see the flamingos).
The landscape changes every few km’s here.
Mineral Lake.
Crunchy ground felt like stepping on corn flakes!
Flamingos (needed a zoom lens for sure!).
Kong!
Back to civilisation!!!
The climb on foot to the waterfall was washed out by rain overnight so this morning we had the Maasai Chief take us to see the Flamingos. It’s volcanic here at Lake Natron, the earth is black, like something from another planet. We walked out on the dried up river bed until the earth got so dry that each step would make an audible crunch, like we were walking on corn flakes. From a distance you could see a pink horizon, the Flamingos! Sadly for every step we took, they took 10 and we just couldn’t get near enough to them for a decent shot.
The sun was pretty damn harsh out there, we were all drenched with sweat by the time we made it back to our cars, from there our 2nd car ran into some more bad luck (2 flats and a broken windscreen so far), this time their driver ran into some Maasai cows, and the Maasai were claiming one of the cows was dead, but the corpse was nowhere to be seen. This made for a huge commotion between our drivers, the Chief we had in the car and the Maasai, but they eventually resolved it by swapping details and we were on our way.
Our lunch stop was at a small village which had the foulest toilets I’ve ever seen to date, and this was our last packed lunch box on the trip too. 60kms of dirt road to go before we hit tarmac roads, 1.5hrs of tarmac before we get to a hotel close to the airport. It’s been a wild ride!
On the road again (well, off road!).
Our Safari tour guides: www.earthlifeexpeditions.com
Lizard at pee stop.
Lunch stop.
First TV we’ve seen in a while at this lunch stop.
Flat tyre #2.
Arrival at the Maasai Giraffe Eco Lodge. That’s Ol Doinyo Lengai “Mountain of God”, an active volcano in the background.
Maasai warriors sing and dance.
Fresh Goat.
Tough and chewy, but tasty!
Today was without doubt the toughest day on the tour as we travelled over 300kms on extremely rough dirt roads to get to our next destination, the Maasai Giraffe Eco Lodge in Lake Natron. Even the more resilient of the group suggested that the rough ride was too much, and even our tour guide suggested that perhaps this particular transit should have been mentioned when they were booking the trip.
Had there been better seating in these Land Cruisers (some of the seats are bent in one way or another, most likely because of people standing on them to get a better view of the animals on the safari from the open top), and perhaps air conditioning (our driver suggested our car needed a re-gas), then perhaps there wouldn’t have been any complaints, but as it is, we arrived at the Maasai Camp pretty broken.
No Wi-Fi, no electricity, no hot water, no drinking water (no plastic bottles); our trip has gone from Business Class flights, to hotels, to lodgings, to tents, to a Maasai Camp.
When we arrived there had just been a sand storm, then soon after, rain, this absolutely made a huge mess out of the eco-camp and staff were rushing to clean up our rooms as well as the main tent (kitchen/seating area).
We sat outside for a while to the sound of a goat screaming for its life, then the sight of a goat being dragged past us by a Maasai on a leash, urinating the entire way. It was pretty obvious to me that the goat was going to be our dinner, and too right, it was.
The Maasai warriors choked the goat and snapped its neck, drank its blood, skinned it, splayed the meat over naked flames and did their song and dance. Definitely not for vegans! The meat was tough and chewy but damn tasty!
Back out on the plains.
Mama Leopard.
One of 3 baby cubs (SO CUTE!).
Our luck continues as today we spotted a Mama Leopard with 3 cubs! We’ve pretty much seen most of the stars of Africa, the only thing we didn’t get so close to was a Rhino (we spotted one, but it was pretty far away).
Instead of having lunch in the wild, today we had lunch back at camp. It rained soon after and we decided to chill for the rest of the night.
Doing a week long safari is tough work, you’re in the sun, in an open top Toyota Land Cruiser for hours on end, in search for that 15 minutes of nature. I’ve said it before, but these guys on my tour are all way older than I am, and I’m truly impressed with how optimistic and resilient each and every one of them are.
All the dust is coming from the Wildebeest dropping down the vertical face on the right.
The Wildebeest on the left is the one being taken by the Croc.
We’ve got 3 nights at this camp in North Serengeti to catch a Wildebeest river crossing. Our guides have been trying to keep a poker face, but we saw very little on Day 1, and word over the radio is that there aren’t so many more animals around, and that migration could be over.
We headed out on Day 2 and by the time we had our first rest stop (which was packed with tourists), we hadn’t seen much at all. Just before lunch we heard a commotion on the radio, there was a crossing, and we weren’t too far away. Our drivers both drove aggressively, rally styles, to get to the crossing as quick as possible and soon we spotted about 10 or so cars bunched up together to watch a huge Wildebeest and Zebra crossing.
Success!
There were 2 lines into the water, the Zebra’s were crossing on the left, and the Wildebeest were traversing a 5ft vertical drop to get into the water on the right (which made for spectacular viewing). This went on for a fair few minutes before some ominous shapes started appearing in the water, yup, Crocodiles.
As if the view wasn’t breathtaking enough, the presence of a Crocodile, then 2, then 3, had everyone excited. One Crocodile in particular was snapping at the Zebra as well as the Wildebeest and on it’s 4th attempt it managed to catch a Wildebeest by the legs, we all heard the beast wail (which was awful), then just like that the Croc had brought the Wildebeest down into the water and disappeared.
Sensing danger, the remaining Wildebeest and Zebra stopped crossing.
It’s interesting that many of the tourists were cheering about a Croc taking a Wildebeest, agreed, what we saw was a once in a life time thing, but a whole group of religious people cheering for the death of a Wildebeest, and praying none of the Zebras were killed by Crocodiles (whilst not at all praying for the Crocodiles to catch a meal), all seemed interesting to me.
