Can’t read shit up close but also starting to have some short sightedness so I got a new pair of prescription glasses. Inspired by Lennon, made by Valentino. They’re light, comfy and best of all they’re transition lenses!

Our life is governed by what we are capable of doing and what we do determines what we become

Personally I’m not scared of much in life but I am absolutely terrified of dumb fucks. If I ever get murdered, it’ll be because a dumb cunt killed me.

I grew up on Grease. And Olivia was Caryn’s (my ex-girlfriend of 7 years) next-door-neighbor.

Super sad.

Grease is a great movie (and I hate musicals). Conceptually a lot of the movie resonated with me later on in life.

Danny (John Travolta) falls in love with Sandy (Olivia Newton-John) on a summer break, but when they go back to school, he had to be one of the boys. Too cool for school. He had to treat her mean to be cool with the guys and it crushes her.

I’ve been there so many times since. I’ve sometimes loved being with a girl in isolation, but mentally was unable to stop thinking about what others would thought about her and I together.

In 1999 The Matrix blew my mind and will forever be one of my fave films of all time.

Christian, my BFAM (Brother From Another Mother) gifted me access to his HBO on NYE to watch the new The Matrix Resurrections which I got around to watching last night.

Volume up and resolution cranked up to 4K I was immediately immersed once the green code appeared on the screen. Was it good? Fuck yeah it was great fun! The first Matrix was a masterpiece, so there’s really no point in trying to compare, but Resurrections was fan service and as a Matrix fan I’m 100% satisfied.

I reconnected with Leslie, an old friend from the car scene when I was coming out of depression a few years back. I learned that he too had been through tough times with cancer. We had a great catch up and shared stories. Mine of my fall and climb out of depression, his of his diagnoses and fight with cancer, overcoming it and quitting his corporate job to start something new.

Leslie and his good mate (and outstanding human being) Shaun have been there for me when I needed guidance. They’re now helping others to help themselves.

Together they run True North and soon they’ll be running a free webinar on how to better navigate these turbulent times.

If you’re interested, here’s a link to all the details: https://www.facebook.com/events/613528243362499

Having fun getting drunk with this one.

In this one I rant about hanging out with 4 kids for a whole day and night and do some Q&A too as usual. Thanks to all who sent in questions! Much appreciated, have a great week all!

What was my why? Well I’m a bit foggy on exactly what I said, but I’m pretty sure I said a few of the following things; that I’ve never felt I needed to, that when I was younger my friends would go to brothels together but I’d never join them in fear of catching an STD, that I wasn’t cool with married men booking escorts and that one of my best friends is an escort so I know what it’s all about.

She hammered me, suggesting that I was disrespecting sex workers, that I thought I was better than sex workers and their clients, and ultimately, that I wasn’t experienced… And BAM! That got me, that fucked me up as I’m a huge advocate for being experienced. Whilst I disagree that not booking an escort because I’ve never felt the need to means I’m disrespecting escorts, speaking from experience and about experiences is at the base of everything I do so it wasn’t something I could argue.

Let’s just say she planted a seed.

Earlier this month I hopped on an escort listing site and started browsing profiles. OMFG. It felt like window shopping. There were way too many women to choose from, women of all ages and all races. Most of the escorts had their faces blurred out which made me feel like I was body shopping, the thing is, most of the photos I saw were highly edited which made me feel a little nervous. Before too long I found myself much more at ease with profiles of escorts who actually showed their faces as I felt that they were owning it, that they felt more real.

I was having an internal battle between trying to choose an escort I would have a connection with, or choosing an escort that portrays my fantasy woman. I ended up short listing a few girls; some had amazing bodies, some had amazing faces, some had well written profiles (some had not so well written profiles!) but in the end I chose a girl who had a really nice smile.

OK, so I needed to send her an SMS. Fuck this was harder than I thought. What do I write? Do I tell her my age? Do I tell her that I’ve never booked an escort before? Do I give her my entire life story?! In the end I kept it really short and punchy. Hi, something about the warmer weather, wondering if she was available for a booking this weekend, kind regards Justin.

She replied! She was fun and flirty, we locked in a date and I paid her a deposit. The days leading up to the date I got more and more nervous, so nervous that I started breaking out with zits on my face (FFS!). On the morning of our booking she called me, she was crying and told me that she just got some news which totally fucked up her day. Damn! She was really sorry and wanted to refund my deposit. Hey shit happens, right? On the one hand I was crushed and felt that all the nervous energy I’d racked up over the past few days was for nothing, but at the same time I felt for whatever it is she was going through too so I told her to keep the deposit and to get back to me when she felt better.

I felt rejected. Extremely frustrated. I drank a whole bottle of wine to myself that night. I felt like it was a sign and that this wasn’t meant to be.

A few days later she messaged me, apologised again, and we got back to fun and flirty messages. We locked in another date and the whole nerve-racking build up started all over again.

I booked an outcall so on the day of the booking I felt like Tom Cruise in Risky Business (where he waited an eternity for an escort to show up). Every minute felt like an hour. When the doorbell rang I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t help but think of the situation she would be in, not knowing who I was, what I looked like and all the risks involved (I know escorts who insist on hotels as at least they have surveillance cameras and emergency buttons on bedside phones), but as soon as she saw my lounge room she knew who I was, my photography and the other escorts I shoot with. My cover was blown!

In some ways her knowing of me wasn’t a bad thing for either of us. We sat and talked for what felt like ages and then we did the thing.

So was it what I expected? Well I didn’t really know what to expect so I’m not so sure. Was it fun? Yes. Was it worth the money? Yes. I booked her for an hour but we talked for an hour before doing it, then we talked for an hour after so she gave me three hours in total which I’m grateful for. Am I worried I caught an STD? Not really, she was really safe. Am I OK with married men booking escorts? Not really, but I’m not so black and white about it anymore now. It’s complicated. Do I think differently about escorts now that I had booked one? Yeah, for sure. In some ways I feel a bit of relief, like I ticked a box, or achieved a goal on my bucket list but I also can’t quite shake the risks involved for an escort in meeting new clients. Sure, being good at screening would help, but I still worry about my escort friends. Would I book her again or would I book another escort in future? Probably not, but I’m not saying never.

Overall I feel that a stronger connection was what was missing from the experience. I’ve gone for dates with a few women that I met on Tinder that I had really strong life connections with, but not so strong physical connections, and I find this experience similar.

It’s now been three weeks since the booking. We’ve not talked at all since, but I still get (very visual!) flashes from the experience from time to time and when I do it feels… for a better word, good?! It’s definitely something not nothing and might just be the addicting factor for many men who book escorts, but hey, end of the day I’m hyper aware that one experience doesn’t mean I’m experienced. I’m now in discussions with one of my close escort friends about creating a short viral video project about escorting, not to find answers, more to ask questions. More on this project soon!

PS: If you find this hard to read due to the small type I’ve also published it on Medium: https://medium.com/@justinfox_30083/i-booked-an-escort-3d35b406c792

Some outdoor fun with this one!!! Cheeky uncensored photos on my Patreon as always: https://www.patreon.com/justinfoxphoto