24.6.99 . I've had to turn to myself for advice since there isn't anyone around which I feel could offer me good advice. everyone is younger... mentally! I could really have done with a good talk with you but hey... you're not around. So
I hope I haven't made a bad decision... I don't think I have... Deep down I
know I'm right.
18.05.99 . Well, you know... it's the society model/thing... like, I could be making
three times the amount of money if I wanted to... but I'd have to sacrifice
my passion for design and art... life?. I'd be a robot basically.
So I'm not going to be extremely rich.. not doing this. But I'd be happy if
I never have to struggle.. financially that is...
I had a few bank managers over a few months ago... they wanted to sell me
life insurance and crap... man they're like vultures. One of them said to me
"If you're not making three times the amount of the person working full time
then why bother starting up your own business?!" Well, I showed them the
door.
hahahahahhahahahaha!
I have the last laugh!
22.8.98 . 'Warm up' at the Good bar on wednesday nights used to go off. My attendance was like religion. I haven't been for some time now because it's been crappy the last few times I went, the crowd has changed, the vibe just isn't there anymore and it's the music..... It's gone all doof and just isn't choppy enough anymore. Anyways. I used to rock up at about 11.30pm, get on the floor early to urge people to start dancing. It always felt like 'sex on the dance floor'. I always said that warm up was like sex on the dance floor but I never really thought about it until last night. I was at a pub, we ate dinner there (If you know pub food... you'd know how bloated I was after the meal! Oh, AND the beer!) and next door to us there was a DJ and he was going off. The music was so going off that everyone stopped talking and just sat there nodding their heads to the groove. We all wanted to get up and dance but at a pub? Maybe a few years back I would have! But I just couldn't do it. I hate places that play 'going off' music minus the dance floor! And what is the revelation? The revelation is that when I'm on the dance floor at warm up, I have this He Man energy caneing through my body. I dance for hours nonstop and the energy comes from nowhere. Just like the energy you have when you're having sex. Even when I'm dead tired I'll have the energy for sex. I'm never too tired for sex! Now, If only I can home in on that 'reserved' energy to clean up the bathroom!
20.6.98 . I've been feeling kinda greedy (guilty about smoking a little too much.. but that's no revelation!). The blonde haired replicant dude's last line in BladeRunner was something like: "I want more life... fucker"
I can definitely relate to that!
I feel that the more I go on, the more commitments I make and the harder it is to get out of ruts. (Like, it's harder to get out of my chair you know? And I like.. always need to go to the toilet in the middle of the night.). But is there any way out? An alternative route? As a human being (!?) I have too much ability to hurt too many people. I can't just fuck everybody off right? I can't. I'm starting to feel like I'm in the biggest rut of all. A rut which IS 'life'!
Wow, that's unrefined! This section may have to be shut down if we have too much of that!
27.5.98 . Do you ever feel like you're falling behind? If there ever was a 'cutting edge' it is defined by the 16yr olds, they're the shit! They know what they want and what they're into.
Our way of thinking (I'm referring to a majority of young open minded people) could mutate into narrow vision. Take the older generation for example (I refer to my parent's generation), perhaps they thought that their way of thinking was open minded back in the 60's and many find themselves unable to communicate with the younger generation, unable to comprehend the changes around them... are we headed in the same degree of change?
