Category Archives: Spam

BALANCE

BALANCE TIN, BALANCE. THERE IS A TIME FOR PLAY, THERE IS A TIME FOR STUDY. YOU MUST BALANCE BOTH.

“Tin” is my Indonesian name (short for “Tintin”). This is the ONLY bit of advice my Dad ever gave me. He would say it time and time again as I played so hard when I was in my teens. Now I’m an adult and I still haven’t found balance; I hit rock bottom for reals last year, and now I’m not just climbing out of the hole I was in; I’m fucking flying out like a phoenix rising.

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R U OK?

Funny how everyone asks “R U OK?”, but once you tell people you aren’t they yell “HE’S LOST IT! TAKE YOUR MEDS CUNT!”.

Just sayin’. I’ve come cleaner about my problems than most, in a public arena too, it’s how I’ve always done it. How people can make fun of the fact that I am sick, seeking help and on medications is a little beyond me.

It amazes me that they can so freely, in an open arena (Facebook), kick me whilst I am down in order to get likes on their hurtful comments.

I’ve had guys read my articles and patronise them as nothing but a scream for help. YES! That is what they were!

Running my brand as me hasn’t been easy all these years, it’s possibly getting harder, but the fight feels way more worth it to me now than ever. I’m determined to get the thousands of followers that were only following me/ZEN for the babes and cars to unfollow. It’s going to take a little time, but I’ll get there.

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Joe Rogan is a Shill

I’m a Joe Rogan fan. For those who don’t know Joe Rogan; to me he’s primarily this guy that commentates on live UFC fights. He calls the biggest fights and to this day it still blows my mind how he knows enough about martial arts to be able to call moves live as the world watches with him. I mean, most would have a hard time calling the difference between left and right punches at live speed, let alone calling what kind of punch it is, and why it’s being thrown. He’s a damn good UFC commentator.

Joe’s also a stand up comedian. I’ve watched a couple of his acts and find his brand of comedy a little too aggressive for my liking. Doesn’t really help that I think he gets on the stage smashed (Joe Rogan is a huge advocate for smoking weed) or at least that’s how I interpret his energy on stage.

Joe also runs a free podcast, The Joe Rogan Experience which has been around since 2009 and legit is one of the world’s most popular podcasts.

I’ve been seeing the old word “shill” absolutely everywhere on social media the past few weeks. It’s got to be the first bandwagon word of the year and a good one at that too as it goes quite well with my desire for everyone, especially business oriented entities, to be more transparent with their audiences.

TLDR: Joe Rogan interviews CEO of Twitter Jack Dorsey and the entire world loses its shit, as Joe seemed to be asking Dorsey soft questions in place of censorship questions everybody wants answers to.  The episode has been downvoted 71,000 times compared to 11,000 upvotes causing Joe to make an apology on his next episode. 

Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, who’s been on Joe’s show and is someone Joe considers a “friend” (more an frienemy to keep close IMHO), has since gone all out against Joe. He’s not the only one. A quick search of “Joe Rogan Jack Dorsey” on YouTube and you’ll find more than a few people calling Joe out to be a “shill”.

I’ve watched the podcast, and I agree with the haters on this one in that I think Joe missed an opportunity to talk about censorship and Alex Jones with the guy who IS Twitter.

In Joe’s apology video he explains that Dorsey has agreed to return for another interview, this time with someone at Twitter who actually does the banning. It’s going to be an interesting show, one which I feel, despite the content, will cop just as many thumbs down as the first one.

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It’s the me

me_id

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25 going on 65 it feels like

A young 24yr old guy I’ve got in a chat tab just typed: “25 going on 65 it feels like”.

That’s kinda sad, but I get it as he’s not your typical 20-something bandwagon jumper, but instead someone who’s at least asking questions and has something to say.

Without the internet, in the 80’s & 90’s people my age couldn’t so easily talk so freely and openly to 20-somethings (not that they would want to!). They sure as hell wouldn’t have treated 20-somethings as ‘equals’ like hiding behind avatars and usernames on the internet allows today.

So is internet reach, combined with social online constructs, a good thing? If you’re 20-something then I think it is.

If the 20 year old me could have reached out to older people that inspired me by simply sending them a PM, I think I’d be way more knowledgable today. #discuss

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Antidepressants No More — Part 3

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Good riddance Effexor, welcome back Libido!

It’s been 2 weeks since I’ve stopped taking antidepressants (Effexor), and my body feels so much better for it. I’m waking up with raging boners once more and I’m also masturbating again (to porn, sorry JP!). The handful of times I’ve masturbated I’ve come prematurely and legit had 5–10 second orgasms each time.

I’m not unhappy. I’m not depressed, but I am fucking buzzing. My hands feel clammy when I’m awake, you know, that “wirey” tingly like vibe you feel when an ecstasy pill or shrooms start kicking in? It’s that feeling pretty much, that I feel all day through to night. I like this high but I’ve got a few concerns:

– My brain is going at a million miles an hour from the moment I wake up to midnight when I sleep.
– If no one is with me I’ll be bashing the keyboard on social media and writing about anything and everything that comes to mind; many drafts, sure, but also more ‘refined/laboured’ features too.
– If someone is with me I will absolutely talk over them and drown them out with words. I talk so much they literally can’t get a single word in.

I caught up with a friend who has bipolar, she told me that there’s Bipolar 1 and Bipolar 2. I’m like WTF?! At first she thought I was Bipolar 2, but by the end of the night she thought I was manic and more Bipolar 1 as I didn’t let her get a single word in all afternoon.

Symptoms specific to bipolar 1: The ‘experts’ classify mania to be a state of abnormality, featuring an elevated, persistent or irritable mood, severe enough to impair functioning, with three or more symptoms of:

– Inflated self-esteem or grandiosity (check!)
– Decreased need for sleep (check!)
– More talkative than usual (check!)
– Flight of ideas (check!)
– Distractibility (check!)
– Increased goal-directed activity (check!)
– Excessive involvement in activities that have high potential for painful consequences (check!)

For an episode to be defined as manic it has to last a week (I went for 6 months +); I didn’t talk to friends, nor sleep in my bed. I have a scab on the right side of my head that I pick off every day. I often fascinated over compiled piles of dandruff and even started to pee in empty Mountain Dew bottles as I was too lazy to walk to my own bathroom.

Ultimately, trying to define who I am with all this medical mumbo jumbo doesn’t really make me feel any better as I truly don’t consider my high highs and low lows to be out of the ordinary. As an artist I’ve always needed the low lows in order to create art, and the fact is that I remember, somewhat romantically, all of my low lows, but I can’t for the life of me remember many, if any, of my high highs. For example; listening to a song which represents a low from say, a past relationship breakup, and I’ll shed a tear today, but remembering a high, like that time I won a prize, brings back no feelings of elation at all.

I’m currently on 3 x 25mg tablets of Quetiapine a night. If I take them at 8PM (as recommended) I end up waking up at 1–3am which wasn’t working for me. I decided to try taking them at 11-midnight and that’s been working great for me as I sleep well and wake up at about 6am most mornings. My psych. Dr. Hyde suggests that Quetiapine is not addictive, and that I could take one instead of a bong hit if I felt the need to (not that I’ve had a bong hit, or felt like I needed to in what feels like forever now), but I’ve been avoiding dunking the pills by day as I’m scared of getting sleepy during daylight (in case I fall back into my comatose falling in and out of sleep all day gaming routine).

Long story cut short; I took a single Quetiapine pill when I was hanging with my bipolar 2 mate to see what would happen. 25 minutes later I was legit calm as, taking deep breaths, man, what a difference! Looks like the drugs do work, and self experimenting with these ‘corporate drugs’ is crucial to finding a way out.

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Sharing is caring

sharingiscaring

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Bifocals

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#bifocals #oldman #lasiksurgeryexpired #raybanandy

I was one of the earlier Lasik Eye Surgery adopters in the early 2000’s (they used to cut a thin layer off your eye like a lid, they’d then laser away and finally close the lid back on your eyeball when done for faster healing).

I’ve enjoyed 20/20 vision ever since then, but last year I gamed harder than anyone should. I found myself rocking backwards and forwards whilst playing games (even having microsleeps with eyes open).

Reading chat text at the bottom left was starting to get impossible unless I leaned forwards and reading instructions on microwave packets is near impossible no matter low light or lights on.

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Television, the Drug of the Nation


Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprisy (Franti!). Television, the drug of the Nation. Breeding ignorance and feeding radiation.

Is TV Dead? Last week a friend urged me to watch the Tennis Finals. I couldn’t find it live anywhere online, and I realised I’ve not had TV in years. Does anyone still watch Television?

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Best Cry Ever AUTOTUNED!


Best Cry Ever AUTOTUNED!

On the topic of the homeless; Who else laughed SO hard when they first saw this “Best Cry Ever AUTOTUNED!” video years ago? We recently came across 2 time world champion Rocky’s Intervention, and the Intervention series itself (we watched every single one of them and got more good out of them than bad).

Watch the actual episode below; men being real without women holding their hands, it’s a thing peoples!

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