Category Archives: Spam

One of many.

I’ve been watching YouTube videos of homeless people complaining about how they’re struggling with people (society) running away from them when they’re asking for the time of day (why even care what time it is tbh?!).

I’m scared of bums too now cause the last bum that asked me for spare change (is there even such a thing as “spare change” these days?!) I replied; “Sorry bro I got no coins on me” (I didn’t have anything but my ID and bank cards). He replied to me: “You will be sorry!!!” which kinda caught me off guard.

#discuss

Urgh.

I’m fighting the fight, but I feel like I’m alone most of the time. Funny how a family friend who can look into the past told my sister that I was once an astronomer; and that I was ahead of my time, and everyone in the town thought I was mad.

I’ve found a stack of love letters (I know I have even more in the house somewhere). This one stood out from the rest.

Mr Bungle (my T-Shirt), Casio, Sonic, SEGA.

1994! Edwina, Nat, Ian (?!), Shannon and Hannah.

Me as E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial as a kid.

I’m back up to 57kg’s now (was 51kg’s for most of last year). Seems like all of it’s gone to my belly. I had an ex-flame tell me that I look like E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial with my sunken chest and big belly… O M F G ouch ouch ouch. I doubt I’ll ever recover from this!

I was born in Paddington Women’s Hospital on Oxford Street Sydney as Justin Joseph Junior Fok. Fok as a surname wasn’t an issue until I got to high school where every roll call in every class was a joke on me. Teachers would be scared to say it out loud, sometimes saying “Foke” instead. Some said it strong and loud as if they were saying fuck, and that got even more laughs. I was rarely called Justin in high school. I was called Fok (and Noodle, China, Goozin’ Lookin’ etc), with that also came “Get Fokked”, or “Fok Off”, or “Foking Hell!” and on and on, all brilliantly creative and fun.

My sister changed her surname before going into university, she asked if I’d like to change my name at the same time as she had the paperwork and a justice of the peace ready. I didn’t think too much of it at the time and signed the dotted line on “Fox”. My mum was never a Lynda Fok, she’s kept her family surname “Anggraini” and hey Fok didn’t do me any favours in high school so why not.

In Indonesia, my grandpa’s grave has names of family engraved into it. On there is my father’s name “Yosef Fox”. My Dad told me our surname was “Foxmanthim”, or something that sounded a lot like that. When he landed in Aus he just went with a shortened “Fok” and it stuck. He wasn’t great with english, I’m sure he meant “Justin Joseph Fok Junior” instead of “Justin Joseph Junior Fok” on my cert.

Recently I wanted to change my surname back to Fok. Mum didn’t think it was a good idea, neither did my closest friends. They like the fox! I like the fox too.

Hey, just an update on my weed situation for those who reached out to me for advice and are in a similar boat with weed addiction.

I went cold turkey on the 9th of JAN. 6 days in I caved and smoked a spliff. I’ve been smoking 3 spliffs a day on most days. Some days I only smoke 2 a day, sometimes up to 5.

I’ve not gone back to the bong, and I’ve not bought any more weed and don’t intend to (I’m still smoking leftover kief). I smoke ciggies only with friends now, never alone.

EG: On Australia Day this weekend I ran into a lady I first met in Japan earlier last year, we had heaps of smokes on that trip, so when she asked me if I wanted to join her away from the party for a smoke I was more than happy to (turns out we had one of the greatest convos away from the party, go figure?!).

In essence breaking the bong was the big step, not having a bong to smoke out of means I can no longer get that bong hit. I’m not craving the bong hit because I’m really enjoying my new lungs. Now I can breath super deep without any sort of respiratory tickles and gurgles.

Keep in mind though that I’m on medication. I am now off the antidepressants, but still on the bi-polar/mood swing meds. The mood swing meds make me feel high as a kite in the morning so long as I have them late and very close to bed time. That way I get a solid 5-6hrs sleep too, more sleep than I’ve gotten in the past year.

So to summarise:
I’ve gone from smoking an ounce of weed a week with a bong to smoking at most 5 single paper jays a day (tobacco mixed with kief). I feel pretty good in the morning, singing and humming out loud even. My taste buds are out of control. Broccolini in a pan with salt and pepper and I’m legit in heaven. Music has come back into my life and I have music on at all times now (instead of gaming 24/7!). People; family and friends are starting to come back into my life. My brain is back, it’s sharp, a little bit loud up there without the stone, but I’m dealing by venting in stories for Medium.