Every great story seems to begin with a snake.

Gina’s been keen to hit some light gravel trails, and as much as I’m all for N+1 I’ve been trying my best to avoid the idea of buying another gravel bike as I sadly only recently sold my Canyon Grizl. I’m actually still sad about it as I loved the blueberry milkshake colourway so much, and the bike fit me so well too.

That said, the trails are calling. Even if I have to ride them alone. I have zero doubt I’ll get back out there.

For the past month I’ve been looking at gravel bikes, but more specifically toying with the idea of a mountain bike with drop bars. I’ve looked at everything from e-bikes to dual suspension trail and XC bikes as well as hardtails (both new and vintage retro 1980’s).

I still think gravel bikes are a trend. I’m just not that into them and I find it hilarious that with fat MTB tyres and suspension they’re slowly but surely becoming mountain bikes. I was narrowing in on a simple MTB hardtail for Gina vs. a gravel bike, but for myself I was close to pulling the trigger on a Chinese carbon hardtail frame, then an 80’s Panasonic Mountain Cat with ridiculous graphics popped up for $200. I was all set to buy it buy the seller couldn’t meet me that day, then the next day this thing popped up on FB Marketplace, and welp… it’s now mine.

It’s a New Old Stock 2007 Kona Jake the Snake in size 52 that’s come straight out of the box (has never been ridden). The shop owner Mark at Vanilla Cycles had the frameset and whacked a mish mash of low-spec parts on it; Microshift Advent X, Tektro brakes, all stuff for the parts bin, but what’s interesting is that he’s got a rigid Kona disc brake front fork on it.

I tried to negotiate just the frameset as the first gen models used Easton Ultralite Race tubing (Made in USA), but in the end I got the price down a little and bought it as is.

Weight came in at a hefty 9.86kg! Of-course I’ve raided my bottomless parts bin and have the bike now sitting at a much more respectable 8.95kg’s now.

Here’s a list of parts on the bike atm, and also parts that have come off.

SPECS:

Kona Jake the Snake Size 52
Easton Ultralite Race tubing (Made in USA)
NOS – Never used

Fork: Kona Project Two AL Disc
Groupset: Microshift Advent X
Front Brake: Tektro MD-M280
Rotor: Galfer 160mm (95g)
Lockring: Chaser (g)
Rear Brake: Tektro Oryx cantilever
Handlebars: Alloy 42cm/50cm
Stem: FSA SL-K 100mm
Top Cap: Extralite + Extralite bolt (2g/1g)
Spacers: God & Famous (10g)
Seatpost: FSA SL-K
Seatpost Clamp: Ultralight
Saddle: Specialized S-Works Power 143mm (161g)
Crankset: TruVativ XX 170mm
Chainring: Wolf Tooth 120 BCD 36T
Pedals: ZTTO (182g)
Front Wheel: Hollowgram HG SL 35mm (660g)
Rear Wheel: Wheelsfar Feder 45mm Extralite/Sapim CX-Super (680g)
Tube: RideNow TPU (36g/36g)
QR Skewers: Ti/Extralite (21g/)
Cassette: Shimano 10-Speed 11-36T (365g)
Cassette Lockring: Chaser (3g)
Tyres: Schwalbe Rapid Rob 700 x 35C (550g/550g)
Bottle Cage: Elite Leggero (18g/18g)
Bottle Cage Bolts: Kogel Ti (5g)

WEIGHT: 8.95kg

Parts that have come off the bike:
Rear Wheel: Shimano RS100 24mm (1092g)
Pedals: (280g)
Top Cap: (16g)
Headset Spacers: (18g)
Bottle Cage Bolts: (16g)
Saddle: Bontrager Evoke 2 (273g)
Rotor: Shimano 160mm (139g)
Tubes: Schwalbe Butyl (160g/160g)
Cassette Lockring: Shimano (13g)
QR Skewer: Shimano (60g)

Meeting Frank Paino, the man who made my frame!

Paino on show!

Love the chrome paint on both these Williers.

Mark’s De Rosa.

Love this paint job!

My fave bike of the show.

Jewellery, pretty much.

Paul Hillbrick.

Got to meet Darrin who put on the show. Great show, great guy!

Race in progress.

I dropped in to Retro Day 2025 at Heffron Park and displayed my 80’s Neo Retro Paino bike in the Show and Shine. The Paino got more than a few odd stares, the best reactions came from people that spotted the UCI Illegal sticker and lifted the bike up! Managed to catch up with a few old bike friends, as well as meet new ones, but my day was made when I got to meet Frank Paino himself!

Was pretty hot under the sun, and I was feeling pretty rough from last night’s boozy adventure so I decided to bail out of the show early. As I was leaving this guy came up to me, pointed at my carbon forks, and wanted to know why I chose to replace the steel forks with carbon forks. I explained that I was going for the lightest steel bike I could build, and the carbon forks were a lot lighter than the original forks. I also suggested that the bike felt a lot stiffer with the carbon forks. He looked me up and down, grabbed the bike off me, put his foot on the pedal and proceeded to flex test the frame. He let me know that at my size he doubted I could even begin to flex the frame!

I expected to ruffle some feathers with my build, but I wasn’t quite prepared for in-my-face trolling!

I proceeded to explain that the bike has been with me for many years, and that I found the guy who originally painted the frame for Frank Paino (Peter at Star Enamelers) and on that note the guy who was standing next to the guy who was drilling me said “this IS Frank!”. Holy shit! I asked him for a photo, but he refused lol! But hey I’ve got the gift of the gab, right? So I went on about not riding the bike for many years, but late last year this bike got me riding again, and over this year I decided to transform the bike to re-spark my passion for building and riding bikes.

I let Frank know that people who acquire a Paino find my build online and reach out to me to find out more about him. I also let him know that all I’ve read on him being a colourful character is true (to which he said only half of what I hear is true haha!). In the end Frank warmed up to me, and said that despite not liking all the carbon bits on the bike he now understands what I was trying to achieve, and that ultimately he’s no-body to tell anyone what they can’t and can’t do with their bikes. We had a few laughs, shared a few stories and then he let me take that photo with him!

DAY MADE!

Retro Day is put on by Randwick Cycling. For more info, visit: https://www.randwickcc.com.au

Black absoluteBLACK rotor lockrings.

Elite bottle cage. Love the side profile of these, but up close they’re a little busy and plasticy looking for my liking (heavy too).

Tune Wasserträger 2.0 bottle cage is a much better fit with the matte carbon and gloss black logos. On it goes!

Elite bottles are a little harder to get in and out of them than the Celoco cage I had on there before, but it’s still a looser fit (which I like).

Blat.

R U OK?

OK I’m late to the party (R U OK? Day was last week I think?), but I’m pretty sure R U OK? Day should be every day in any case.

Just wanted to say that cycling has changed my life. As an Artist I’ve always felt the need to have high highs and low lows in order to create, and I feared that nothing good would ever come out if I was always happy. IE: I was wrong.

When I was at an all time low my therapist told me that all I needed was to get some sun. I fucking wanted to bash her face in for suggesting something so stupid, fast forward a few years and shite, she was right.

Much thanks to Gina, who took the risk of offering me some advice (because I’m a stubborn c*nt and usually bite people that offer me advice). My body was broken, and she saw me on the couch all day every day. One morning as she was leaving the apartment she looked back and said “you just need to move your body”.

Much thanks to Nick who encouraged me to hop back on the bike to have ZEN meetings at the park instead of ZEN meetings over burgers and beers.

Much thanks to a lot of you (you know who you are). I pinch myself often now that I have a group of truly great human beings around me.

To anyone out there feeling crap. I’m not one to give advice, but man… exercise has been great for my mental health. I’ve literally not had a bad day since getting back on the bike in December last year. This has literally got to be the best stretch of happiness and stability I’ve had in all 50 years.

I’m here though, all the time in the world, accessible and always happy to share as much as I can, so feel free to reach out if you want to chat.

#FINDYOURZEN #MYZEN