
I’ve been caught up in the whirlwind of wedding planning, and it’s been getting the better of me. I figure I might as well fight for what I want now, whilst it’s still early, but I’ve been coming up against brick walls. I’ve never been a conformist. I’ve always liked doing things my way and I’ve always tried hard to be a little different from everyone else (despite understanding that in doing so I’m just like everybody else who’s trying hard to be different!).
As the Groom I get to choose my suit, cars and music. Excitement comes before reality. I’m me right? I couldn’t help but be inspired by Kanye West’s red suit with matching red leather sneakers for my wedding. IE: The idea of wearing a black suit, white shirt and black tie NEVER crossed my mind. And as for the cars, despite Christina dropping hints that she’d love an old vintage car in white I refused to go there. What do cars of the 40’s and 50’s have to do with my upbringing? With my life? Nothing. I’m a car guy and choosing the cars was my part of the job and I intended to have fun with it. Maybe some pimp black current model S Class mercs, or better yet current model Bentley Continentals, or what about a Porsche Panamera or a couple of white R35 GTR’s? And the music? My day, my music. Suggestions of a live band were quickly binned. Wedding singer at my wedding? Unless it’s Jeff Buckley himself, no thanks. Jazz band? Again, what has Jazz got to do with me?! What about music which I love? Gunners, Nirvana, Faith No More…
So I’m feeling pretty defeated. Every single suggestion I’ve made has been met with blank faces which add to my frustrations. Where’s the trust huh?! It’s killing the motivation and excitement before I’ve even had a chance to get obsessive compulsive about the wedding. Those who know me well know that the best of me comes out when I get obsessive compulsive about something, where I can give something my all.
Holy shit I’ve even been contemplating that my whole life has been about rebelling against something, or someone that doesn’t even exist? Who am I trying to impress?!
Breathe.
OK so I’ve got to adapt, and I fuuuucking hate to say this word, but I have to compromise. I’ve got to let go, think about Christina and everybody else (and not just myself) and most of all I have to believe that everything will be beautiful and wonderful on the day.
/vent.