Monthly Archives: January 2019

1994! Edwina, Nat, Ian (?!), Shannon and Hannah.

Me as E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial as a kid.

I’m back up to 57kg’s now (was 51kg’s for most of last year). Seems like all of it’s gone to my belly. I had an ex-flame tell me that I look like E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial with my sunken chest and big belly… O M F G ouch ouch ouch. I doubt I’ll ever recover from this!

I was born in Paddington Women’s Hospital on Oxford Street Sydney as Justin Joseph Junior Fok. Fok as a surname wasn’t an issue until I got to high school where every roll call in every class was a joke on me. Teachers would be scared to say it out loud, sometimes saying “Foke” instead. Some said it strong and loud as if they were saying fuck, and that got even more laughs. I was rarely called Justin in high school. I was called Fok (and Noodle, China, Goozin’ Lookin’ etc), with that also came “Get Fokked”, or “Fok Off”, or “Foking Hell!” and on and on, all brilliantly creative and fun.

My sister changed her surname before going into university, she asked if I’d like to change my name at the same time as she had the paperwork and a justice of the peace ready. I didn’t think too much of it at the time and signed the dotted line on “Fox”. My mum was never a Lynda Fok, she’s kept her family surname “Anggraini” and hey Fok didn’t do me any favours in high school so why not.

In Indonesia, my grandpa’s grave has names of family engraved into it. On there is my father’s name “Yosef Fox”. My Dad told me our surname was “Foxmanthim”, or something that sounded a lot like that. When he landed in Aus he just went with a shortened “Fok” and it stuck. He wasn’t great with english, I’m sure he meant “Justin Joseph Fok Junior” instead of “Justin Joseph Junior Fok” on my cert.

Recently I wanted to change my surname back to Fok. Mum didn’t think it was a good idea, neither did my closest friends. They like the fox! I like the fox too.

Hey, just an update on my weed situation for those who reached out to me for advice and are in a similar boat with weed addiction.

I went cold turkey on the 9th of JAN. 6 days in I caved and smoked a spliff. I’ve been smoking 3 spliffs a day on most days. Some days I only smoke 2 a day, sometimes up to 5.

I’ve not gone back to the bong, and I’ve not bought any more weed and don’t intend to (I’m still smoking leftover kief). I smoke ciggies only with friends now, never alone.

EG: On Australia Day this weekend I ran into a lady I first met in Japan earlier last year, we had heaps of smokes on that trip, so when she asked me if I wanted to join her away from the party for a smoke I was more than happy to (turns out we had one of the greatest convos away from the party, go figure?!).

In essence breaking the bong was the big step, not having a bong to smoke out of means I can no longer get that bong hit. I’m not craving the bong hit because I’m really enjoying my new lungs. Now I can breath super deep without any sort of respiratory tickles and gurgles.

Keep in mind though that I’m on medication. I am now off the antidepressants, but still on the bi-polar/mood swing meds. The mood swing meds make me feel high as a kite in the morning so long as I have them late and very close to bed time. That way I get a solid 5-6hrs sleep too, more sleep than I’ve gotten in the past year.

So to summarise:
I’ve gone from smoking an ounce of weed a week with a bong to smoking at most 5 single paper jays a day (tobacco mixed with kief). I feel pretty good in the morning, singing and humming out loud even. My taste buds are out of control. Broccolini in a pan with salt and pepper and I’m legit in heaven. Music has come back into my life and I have music on at all times now (instead of gaming 24/7!). People; family and friends are starting to come back into my life. My brain is back, it’s sharp, a little bit loud up there without the stone, but I’m dealing by venting in stories for Medium.

Dude I love your podcast.

I shoot young naked babes for a living but a few months ago I wanted to neck myself. I’ve since come to, kinda, and a lot of the guests you’ve had on your show helped, a lot. I don’t want to suck your dick Joe. I want to suck Kurt Cobain off, Layne Staley, Jeff Buckley, Chris Cornell… oh wait, you never had those legends on your show! Well, love the show in any case! Really really want to be on it, not quite a life goal, but fuck it would be awesome to be real in front of so many.

X Justin.

Mic Test 1,2… 1,2. Calling out all cheaters, calling you all out.

Hard topic to talk about, and I’ve been wanting to talk about it for years. I’ve had sex with girls who were in relationships, a couple of them were married, the others in long term relationships. I’m trying NOT to beat around the bush here. I don’t want to muddle the word “sex” with “sexual advances” as God knows I’ve made plenty of those over my time (hey I’ve had my fair share of girls making aggressive sexual advances at #metoo).

With the girls: Fact is I knew what I was doing felt wrong but I went there anyways. I talk a lot and ask a lot of questions. I prefer my emotions out rather than in. More than a few times I’ve tried to bring up the deed in conversation but I’m usually faced with 1 of 2 things; 1) I’m made to feel silly for thinking anything of it! Are you seriously saying you’re feeling guilty right now?! Um, yes? Yes I am?! 2) I’m introduced to the concept of “keeping a secret” something I’ve never done and highly doubt I could ever do.

With the guys: I’ve always had closer girl friends than guy friends. I still do. I consider my friends wives to be my mates. It hurts then to see what I’ve seen on overseas trips with the boys. When I confronted the guys about the issue, I expressed that I was single, which somewhat gave me the right to do whatever I wanted, but you guys are married, with children! The response? Who the fuck are you to judge Justin? Floored. Speechless. I get it.

Back to the girls again: I crossed the line once and admitted to one of the girls what her guy was doing. What was the response? Shut the fuck up Justin I don’t want to hear it!!!

Back to the guys again: Just last year a mate was parading that he got a bare back blow job overseas. Congratulations man, you just gave your kids an STD.

I’m talking about it because everyone world wide seems to think that encouraging conversation is a great way to begin resolving big issues, but from what I’ve learned from experience; talking is the last thing the guilty want to do.

Also on MEDIUM: medium.com/@justinfox_30083/cant-find-a-better-man-be142dd0e416